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Critiques and Commissions

Thu Feb 18, 2016, 8:13 PM


:bulletpurple:Critiques are always open. They're usually on behalf of ProjectComment but I also take critique requests. Please be aware I only do the following type of critiques:

:bulletred:Literature: Original Prose only.
:bulletred:3 Dimensional Art

:bulletblue:Please only request a critique through this journal. Otherwise I am just gonna assume you didn't bother reading through and I will not do it. 
:bulletblue:Critiques are absolutely free. However, there are a few points I'll mention in a bit.

:bulletblack:I hold the right to decline a critique request, especially if I feel that I can't do it or if the subject is something I am not familiar with.
:bulletwhite:I can't critique poetry, nor non-fiction.
:bulletblack:Absolutely NO fanfiction. Sorry, but I am unfamiliar with the fandoms and have no interest in reading it either.
:bulletwhite:If you request a critique from me and expect 100% praise in return, then I highly recommend that you do NOT ask for one. I will not write praise for a critique. I will go through a story and point out the right and wrong, and will only praise what I see worthy of said praise. 

Critiquing literature takes me at least an hour and sometimes up to 2-3h, depending on the story. I do not want to waste my time if you just want to be told that your work is amazing. I am a college student and have tons of work to do. 

If you'd like a critique, please leave a link/thumb of your piece in the comments below.


Commissions and Requests:

*please be aware i am busy, I am trying to graduate. comms and requests may not always be open. inquire below*
*All prices are negotiable. 


You get a high res image with no signature and the flame file if you'd like that + a psd file.
Heart of Chaos by SolidMarsBloom by SolidMars
Light Show by SolidMars


I will not write:
:bulletred:Erotics, smut, explicit content, ecchi. (not that I can't, I just don't like to.)


Free verse, or rhymes, but I am better with free verse anyway. 

The Rogue FactorRise, fall, get up, stumble and run
it's getting harder to catch a breath
in this cloud of scorching lies you've shoved me in. 
Stop right there, I am not following you again
you, the one who held a scythe to my throat,
had only brought me closer to a death I didn't cry for. 
It's a price I've paid for having faith in
you, the one with blooming roses 
and stinging, poisonous thorns.
Whose dreams was I chasing?
Were they yours, mine or
were they the illusions of a distant fall?
Heaven and Hell crossed at your feet
but you took the wrong turn and blindly led the way,
straight into a fire that welcomed me with open arms.
Doubt someone like you can atone, 
you, the one with a habit of tearing souls.
Yet here I stand, and fight
against you, once and for all.
I grew tired of letting you take control. 
I found a strength in a goal you can't claim,
my life and my work are no longer yours.
Hope shines bright you monster, 
I'm not going to be a victim,
I'm not holdi
A goodnight kissHe leans in for a kiss,
his soft lips pressed against her forehead.
Then he gently puts her picture back in place
Death was a lot faster than him. 
Medley of a Flawed HumanIn the few occasions
when my senses snap back
and good vs evil tugs at my heart.
I sit, think and sigh,
guilt is overwhelming and
shouldn't be felt
I already realize,
I couldn't be more flawed if I wished.
If I lose an atom for every lie told,
I'll mostly be a speck of dust, aimlessly
wandering a world of fiction I strived to build
My perfection is an illusion, and reality
runs by as a mere blur.
And I wonder if,
I'll be pushed through a stake
when the truth is told out loud.
Forgiveness won't be a choice,
they'll demand the demon to be sent back to hell.
I simply ask you to bury my bones,
and write he's finally found peace
over my lifeless tomb.
DethronedI have created Eden, through the strokes of my pen,
But it was made of promises, and angels
That were too fragile to hold the weight of our sins.
You were my goddess, on a throne made of dreams.
Which you were probably
Loathing, because
They didn't glimmer and shine
like the diamonds decorating your rings.
Forgive me,
They were the hopes of a man
So madly in love, but you poured poison into his heart
And so he rotted, each time you gifted him with a kiss.

Short Stories

1000-3000 words -> 300 :points:
3000+ -> 75 points extra for every 1000 words above 3000. 

A guide to breaking Earth."Sir, sir, please do not touch that!" The panicked man jumped between the hand and the button. "Please sir, with all due respect. No touching allowed, not even for you. I understand it's your first day and you're curious, but please. This room is very delicate!" 
"Aww, Grim, what's the worst that can happen? Why are you named Grim anyway, you look too cheerful for grim." The young man shoved his hands in his pockets and whistled a carefree tone as he walked around the busy room.
Men and women in formal clothing ran around. Papers flew from one side to the other and a lot of buttons blinked as a large monitor, which occupied an entire wall, displayed an image of the world's map. Different numbers flickered on top of the screen, while a control panel filled with weird-looking symbols lined the bottom.
"Is that Earth Grimmy? I never knew it was this small."
"This is just a map sir. Look Jerry, if I can call you that, why don't you go back upstairs? I'm sure you're needed."
For Science, You monster“Doctor, they are approaching. You need to evacuate. The population in the city is down to 10%. My statistics show that at least 40% have been infected and the rest have either died or fled.”
The high pitched, automated voice echoed among the alarms and sirens that went off through the compound. The screens that lined the wall conveyed an emergency broadcast and lights flickered in ominous hues of red. However, the woman in the lab coat remained in the same focused pose as she worked on some numbers and formulas.
“Doctor McKay, they are on the second floor. Please head to the nearest exit. This situation has a 0% chance of survival.”
“For the love of god, just shut up.”
“God is an entity whose presence is questionable doctor. I can’t have a feeling about it without interacting first.”
“Shut up Glyph,” Dr. McKay groaned between clenched teeth as she scrapped the line she wrote moments prior. “Stop the alarms. I can&
The MockingbirdDoctor, do you have a minute to spare?
The call was directed at my mother midway between the second and third floor in our apartment complex. Four of us stood on the freshly cleaned stairs. Mother, myself, the cleaning lady, and her little daughter.
Could you please spare some cooking oil?
It had to be one of the rare times I heard shame in someone's voice. The shame of having to ask burdened her immensely. She clasped her hands as she looked at us, and rushed to justify after a moment of silence. 
I want to cook for the kids. It's been a week and I couldn't get paid to buy some.
I never knew words needed so much power to come out. She tried to shrug her nervous tone with a smile, but couldn't quite manage to. Instead she looked down. 
I didn't wait mother. She taught me better, I knew better. There was much sorrow in a single question, and not the kind of sorrow a mother should be uttering in front of a child. I still heard bits and pieces of their conve

The First KissIt wasn't even past eight when she ran into her room. She didn't bother and change her clothes as she simply slid under the covers. She cocooned  herself in her bed hurriedly, unable to hold back the smile that crept up her face. She knew that she had acquired a new set of dreams this evening. Dreams that will be haunting her for a very long time. 
She'd banished every other memory on her way home. This one dream was so majestic it seemed unfit to share anything with it. She feared a picture of her precious moment would seep through the smile she couldn't hide and someone would catch it and drag her back into the dull silent world. 
It was a kiss that lasted seconds, but in her head it was a cinematic that went on for hours. Her heart pounded so viciously to the point she thought the sound alone could fill the entire world around her. She recalled her kiss, a blush creeping on her cheeks. 
She closed her eyes tightly as she stirred in bed. Maybe her dream will go on


500 :points: per chapter, up to 10 chapters.
Escaping Father I"Whoever brings her to my feet will be my new right hand!" 
Her heart sunk at the words, her gaze shifting between the man who spoke and the knights who were also looking at him in a state of pure shock. 
"You heard me, what are you waiting for?" he said again, pointing his finger at her. They weren't that far apart, her horse only a few feet ahead of his as they moved through the forest, enjoying a normal hunting trip, or so she had thought. 
"Father, you can't be serious," she muttered, nudging her horse to move further away from him. "I don't understand father, am I not your only heir?"
He didn't answer, merely stared at her, his fingers trailing the diamond hilt of his sword, a dark smirk crossing his lips. 
"Run!" she yelled at the horse, dashing through the forest, trying to escape the knights who gave chase. The sun slowly disappeared as she entered the darker parts of foliage. The low branches scraped at her face and clung to her cloak as she plunged deeper
Escaping Father II"Awake at last, I see." 
The sound snatched her out of her dazed state. Slowly looking aside, she stared at the old man watching her then gazed back at the ceiling above. She wasn't home anymore, that much was true at least.  
"Do you speak girl?" he asked sternly, watching his guest.  He roughly pushed her down when she tried to sit up. "Lay still! I've already spent much gold coin on you. It was a waste to let you die in that river, so don't prove me wrong."
Clio groaned faintly, the pain causing her senses to surge back to life, and glared coldly at the old man for a moment. He was in his mid-fifties at the latest, long white hair and a beard reaching all the way to his waist. He was dressed in crimson-blood robes. A matching cowl rested on the table behind him, as well as a long curved staff that ended with a black pearl. 
 "Your hands are twitching old man,” she whispered, as he wrung a wet towel out onto the floor then placed it over her forehe
Escaping Father IIIMarcus followed the blood trail like a madman, though, he found himself stopping frequently to look around him. In all his life he’d seen nothing like this, almost as if an ominous curse had befallen the place. The biting chill in the forest was unnatural. He’d lived there for a good twenty years, and had never felt anything like it before. Cold sweat trickled down his face as he glanced around him, yet again.
Mist covered almost everything, objects were grim silhouettes in the distance. There was nothing unusual about the fog itself, but the dismal thickness of it that morning was unsettling.
He wiped his sweat with the sleeve of his robes, and clutched harder to his staff. He closed his eyes and concentrated hard enough to make the pearl glow. The fog swirled slightly, clearing a small path for him to go through.
Blood littered the grass. There was an increasing amount of it the more he advanced, eventually reaching a small clearing near the river. He

Embers: Chapter IEmbers I: When Worlds Collide.  
The night was quiet. Barely any ambulances drove in, and even the police cruiser was idle at the corner of the street. The usually busy emergency room lacked people save for a few late night fevers, or twisted ankles. 
"It's still snowing, crossing my fingers we won't get snowed in here." A nurse commented as they watched the snowfall. 
"Only five more hours until my shift ends, and snowed in or not, I'm going home. I ain't eating cafeteria food for another day." Another huff rose and stirred a few chuckles around the nurses' station. 
"Why do we always end up with the graveyard shift in the ER? No fair." 
"Oh, put a sock in it ladies, look at Elizabeth, she's not complaining." 
The woman in question glanced up from her phone at the mention of her name and smiled faintly. She placed the chart she had aside and slipped out of her lab coat. "Well, I'm taking a short break. I have a date." 
Embers: Chapter IIEmbers II : Calamity.
A magic barrier ebbed at the intersection of Herald and Hill. It wasn't meant for protection as much as it was meant to keep the prying eyes out.  The thin, sparkling veil muted the sounds within, hid its occupants from sight, and more importantly, kept the brightly glowing rift concealed under it.
"Please don't be afraid, you're safe here. If you've been hit with a spell, please go to the bartender for potions. We have enough for everyone. If you've been physically injured, Oracle Aurora is inside, and will provide healing magic." 
Some groaned, others prayed, and some wept. An endless stream of different whispers flooded the snowy dome. Two men held gemmed staffs and chanted the same verses over and over. Blue bursts of energy emanated out of the gems in response to the chant and kept the barrier steady as the refugees passed through the portal and into the small tavern. 
"Ancestors protect us."
"A massacre, a bloody massacre! Damn them."
Embers: Chapter IIIEmbers III: In a Strange Room.
"Julie, Juliette, wake up!"
Juliette's body jerked up in a violent motion. She gasped and sobbed as she blindly clutched to Elizabeth.
"Hush little one, it's a nightmare, hush," Elizabeth cooed to the frantic teen, cradling her. She had worked trauma and seen family shatter in a blink, but this was a different case than usual. She wrapped her arms around the girl’s waist, pulling her closer, then gently caressed her hair, guiding Julie's chin to rest on her shoulder. "You're safe now, love." 
Juliette's mind was a haze, groggy and exhausted from the stress of the previous night. She clung to Elizabeth with all her might. Her breath ragged, sight blurred; she had no idea what was going on or why she was being held the way she was; but little by little, her body came to a halt. She pushed herself away from Liza, who gave her a motherly smile.
"Erat malus somnium." Julie mumbled and coughed to clear her voice. "Mea purgando,"  She

Character bio:

150 :points: Full character bio, traits, behavior, appearance, back story etc. 

Editing services and Beta-reading

If you want me to beta-read a story, or edit an entire novel from start to finish then yeaaaah, we're talking long work for me and a lot of effort. 
2 types of editing:

1-Just grammar and spelling: I can catch about 95%-98% of mistakes: 250 :points: per chapter. 
2-Full editing: grammar, spelling, sentences, characters, scenes, full review for each chapter, etc, etc 800 :points: per chapter. 


Trades and Requests:

Friends only with some exceptions (aka: polite requests.) 

Design & Code by Celvas
Great many thanks to Kiam
Add a Comment:
Y2Jinstien Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
Since you're a prose critic, would you mind looking over a piece I made called Tokyo's Black Bullet? They're eight chapters in it, and I am planning on turning this into a real novel sometime in the future. It's fine if you don't want to do it all at once.…

Here's a link to the first chapter, and if you're interested, I'll give you the links to the other chapters. I don't want to overwhelm you.
SolidMars Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2017  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm gonna assume you read the entire journal and hereby agreeing to my critique rules. Sure, I can take it, just not this week because life is just way too busy, I'll get around to it next week if that's ok. 
Y2Jinstien Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2017  Hobbyist Writer
I'm doing a Q and A. Here's a link to it if you're interested.…
KryativeLotus Featured By Owner Edited May 17, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Hello again! I was going to thank you for the llama and found this instead! =P (Razz) I wanted to know if you'd be willing to critique some of my writing? I know there's so much I can improve on, but I hardly know anyone open to criticizing literature, so you're my best shot! I'm definitely joining your dA Adventures (I haven't got a chance to read all of it yet Wink/Razz) but I'd also really appreciate the help/advice you could give me, here's a link to some of my writing: True Man

Thanks for this great offer and opportunity! I hope you accept! Heart :D (Big Grin) 

PS I'm also willing to RP! La la la la 
SolidMars Featured By Owner May 27, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
hmm i am getting around to this 
you'll get the critique in a bit. Please don't choke me for it, I assume you've been warned after reading the journal :lol:
what kind of rps are you interested in?
KryativeLotus Featured By Owner May 27, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Haha I definitely know the risks :P

And I'm up for any sort of RP, action, romance, drama, etc! Just let me know!
SolidMars Featured By Owner May 27, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
hmm i'll note you :)
3wyl Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Awesome! :la:
SolidMars Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
SenoritaBlack Featured By Owner Feb 19, 2016
I'm still in love with Heart of Chaos. I smile every time I see it. :hug:
SolidMars Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
thank you :huggle: i should totally make you another
SenoritaBlack Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2016
No, you don't have to do that. I love your work but you already made me one that I love. :hug:
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February 18, 2016


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